Willing To Survive
by angie2282
Summary: Adam Faulkner was nothing, a pathetic voyeur who lived life dully. And yet sitting on that disgusting dirty floor he knew he wanted to live.
1. Reflection

Author's Note: I know that there are probably a dozen amazingly well-written Adam stories on this site but I couldn't help writing one of my own after seeing 'Saw' yesterday. Adam is just such an understandable character, the most relatable in the Saw universe. I might continue the story on later or just leave it at this who knows but I hope you enjoy the story and Leigh Whannell forever! Oh the song is 'Starlight' by Muse. I'm not sure if anyone has used it before but hopefully not, I just felt it fit with Adam.

All he could do was think. Adam had never been much of a thinker he was exceptionally smart and talented but hid it under his 'I don't give a shit' façade that stopped him from ever truly taking a moment to just sort out the tangled details of his life. But lying there on that disgusting, cold, bloody floor all he could do was think.

He thought about what he had achieved. A gold-embossed high school diploma that proved he had taken the tiring courses and passed with surprisingly high marks. A driver's license that allowed him to drive his crappy truck all over town to the various seedy motels where his job usually required him to visit. And a pathetic apartment that he had reluctantly paid for out of his own pocket after his parents kicked him out.

He thought about who he had. A friend by the name of Scott Tibbs who had once unforgettably stabbed him with a rusty nail and who used him for his photography skills such as the photo shoot that he was supposed to have been at hours ago. Had the bastard realized he was missing? Would he send for help? No, if Lawrence who proved to be a much better companion despite his control freak tendencies hadn't been able to send help what made him think Scott would? Then there was his ex-girlfriend the feminist vegan punk who would probably find this situation he was in a retribution for his refusal to visit one of her 'women in power' seminars. His family wouldn't even realize he was gone until officers arrived to their small suburban home asking them to identify his corpse, if it was ever found.

_Far away_  
_This ship is taking me far away_  
_Far away from the memories_  
_Of the people who care if I live or die_

It brought tears to his dry eyes to know that in truth he had nothing. He was nothing. A worthless apathetic voyeur who roamed through life like a lost spirit. Maybe he really did deserve this, he thought. Maybe he would be doing the world a favor by just disappearing for good not that anyone would notice. His landlord would find a new tenant. The grimy conman he knew only by the name 'Joe' would carelessly empty the contents of his apartment when he didn't receive this month's payment.

His beloved camera that had been with him through thick and thin would be thrown away or sold. He would never see its flash never hear the familiar click that so often made his day. He would never take a picture of his own wife and child or of the distant countries he might've visited in the future. To think he had wasted so many precious shots on cheating husbands and deceiving wives instead of on the little things he saw everyday and had never really appreciated. The shot of the pretty dark-haired girl from the stairs had been his most meaningful shot in ages.

His trusty CD player that had so often provided comfort in his hours of need would be discarded. He found himself struggling to remember the last song he had heard. It had been an angry heavy metal song the type that made your ears ring for several minutes after hearing it. Ah, "You Make Me Feel So Dead".

Adam chuckled spitefully. The song's title seemed so ironic now. Scott Tibbs would find a new photographer within days and his ex-girlfriend would move on if she hadn't done so by now. Maybe she would go for Scott. The thought brought a smirk to his pale face. Lastly, his family who had practically disowned him would have a somber memorial that would surely be forgotten in a few months. Adam frowned. The last bit wasn't entirely true. His blue-collar would indeed be devoid of any emotion having always called him a 'good for nothing lazy ass' but his mother wouldn't. She would cry senselessly for days mourning the loss of the son she had tried so hard to bring up right.

_Starlight_  
_I will be chasing the starlight_  
_Until the end of my life_  
_I don't know if it's worth it anymore_

The thought brought a painful pang to his slowly beating heart. She was the only one who had really ever cared for him. He had never had a true connection with someone. In fact, and this was something he was reluctant to agree to, Lawrence was probably his closest friend. The man he had been just met, his complete polar opposite apart from the fact that they had both been chained up together in the ancient bathroom, was his closest companion. He had been there for him in his most desperate of moments in what were perhaps his last moments on Earth.

He had felt something of a magnetic attraction for the girl from the stairs but that would never amount to anything, especially not now. He had never even asked for her name…

His now moist eyes closed as he released a shaky breath. He didn't want to die. No matter how many flaws his current life inevitably contained he didn't want to die. He wanted to embrace life with a new purpose he wanted to live each and every moment to its fullest. He no longer wished to be the pathetic voyeur that Jigsaw had urged to look at the mirror. He wanted to live.

These thoughts brought along a fresh set of tears as he clung to his life desperately, drowning out the searing pain in his shoulder and the smell of Zep's decaying corpse.

Eventually, it what could've been hours or days the tears subsided slowly and Adam was once again filled with that empty cold feeling with just a glimmer of hope on the surface. He shook his shackled foot meekly. This only caused more pain. Not being able to take out his anger on the one thing confining him to this tomb, he hung his head. A sleepy sensation that might've been caused by his lack of food swept through him and he knew no more, not even noticing when the heavy bathroom door slowly slid open.


	2. Author's Note

I wasn't quite sure of the direction the story was going so I'm just going to revert back to the origional one-shot. Thanks to everyone who reviewed and I'm really sorry about this but I hope you understand. Thanks.

~ Angie2282


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